once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
