im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
My liver is preforming stress tests.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
