Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
