so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Randomize
