sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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