I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
