she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
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