you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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