Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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