I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
