duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
