I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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