I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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