At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
