Kareoke will never be a sober sport
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
babies were throwing up all over the place
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
