I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
