So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
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So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
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Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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