and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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