so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
