it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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