hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
