I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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