Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize