when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
