I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
