Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
