I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
