dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Never joke about your clitoris.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
