I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
