I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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