I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
