i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
