No, drunk sperm still make babies.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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