No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
