Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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