I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Randomize
