just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
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