how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You left your phone here
Wait...
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