I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
