He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
jump out the window naked night went bad
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