I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize