I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
