Swine flu. Run for my life!
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
