dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
