You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
