I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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