Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
