Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
