god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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