i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
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