Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
