I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
