so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize