apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
