Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Randomize
