he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Randomize
