i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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