I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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