allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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