Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
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You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
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Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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