Ambien. No doubt about it.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Drunk is not a location!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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